January 23, 1997 -Professor's Crab Hut- Louisville, Kentucky
Those fiendish castaways never left the hearts of their true fans. Seven lucky "Gilligan" buffs were actually boarded on a tiny, crappy boat and shipwrecked on the flooded Ohio River, where they were forced to live off the land with just a bicycle and a stash of wheat germ. For those who stayed in Louisville, though, the highlight was the annual roasting of Alan Hale, Jr's corpse over a spit. Elsewhere, fans enjoyed "the creator"--Sherwood Schwartz--revealing his secrets to success in a talk entitled "The Untalented And Their Pacts With Satan".
Big merchandise bonanzas included "The Ginger": a 10" vibrator made entirely from coconuts; "Mrs. Howell's Pop-Up Face-Lift Book"; and a trademark 'Gilligan' hat outfitted with beer cans and plastic tubing for that on-the go comedy/sports fan.
August 12, 1996 - Canter's Deli- Los Angeles, CA
What's the deal with all those people quoting Seinfeld episodes? Why, they're here, of course! Thousands of fans came to see Jason Alexander & Wayne Knight duel to death in a pie-eating contest, Michael Richards demonstrate his double, triple, and quadruple takes, and Jerry himself deliver a talk on "How to Pick Up Underaged Catholic Girls in a Park and Get Away with it." For the grand finale, exactly one dozen of the actresses who've played "Jerry's Girls" were shot into space to colonize a less model-friendly planet.
Fans went crazy for the merchandise at this show. Thousands of Jerry's previously owned Porches went for great prices in the 'What's The Deal With This Deal?!' clearout sale; Michael Richards moved plenty of units of his wacky Sega game "Kramer vs. Kramer", and people got a little closer to Julia Louis Dreyfus by paying $100 a pop to 'Pin The Tail On Her Butt'. The PEZ corporation also made a splash unveiling its new "Jerry" dispenser, featuring bitter, caustic candy.
FACTS OF LIFE SUPPORT MACHINE
June 20-21, 1996 -Sarah Lawrence College- Bronxville, NY
Tartan skirts and blue cardigans were all the rage as hordes of women and even a few straight men waltzed their way through this campus-long celebration to the prep-school themed sitcom. Highlights included Mindy Cohn's heartfelt anti-abortion speech, "The Facts Of Pro-Life", and excerpts from Kim Fields' court case against IHOP for the slanderous "Rooty Tootie Fresh And Fruity" breakfast special. Molly Ringwald and George Clooney, two early cast members, were conspicuously absent, but Gary Coleman made up for it by appearing in drag with a Caesar haircut.
The top-selling merchandise at this convention had to be flaxen-haired Lisa Whelchel's album of Talmudic favorites, "T'sh Abuv With Blair", but other big numbers were racked up a leather-bound, autographed photo album featuring sanitary napkins from all the members of the cast.
Writer ED SCHMIDT makes girls call him EDDIE.