by Major Bud Rock

Welcome to Ooze #9!

major.gif Sayonara, Bon Jour, Jambo!, and in my native language, 'Hello'. That means 'Greetings'. I'm Major Bud Rock, Marine veteran, and new OOZE editor.

The international conglomerate which owns this publication was concerned that OOZE's humor was too American and wouldn't earn enough foreign dinero. So they brought me in as a figurehead to speak to all the little peoples of the world. I said, "Are you kiddin'? I just finished deliverin' bombs to those lousy towel-heads, and now I gotta deliver jokes?"

But I accepted this challenge like the man I am.

I took a look at the material, and it was all this namby-pamby intellectual crap. Not like the kinda yuks you'd get from a good issue of "Soldier Of Fortune." What were they givin' me here? One piece was about Nietzsche on a rafting trip. Nietzsche! Where were the big bazooms? The leggy, foul-mouthed showgirls? The shrapnel stickin' to your privates when you greased up your monkey? That's the humor I know and love, and the kind of humor that translates into any language. Viva la comedia!


How's this? "A Jew, an Italian, and a Pollack walk into a bar. The Jew says, 'Bartender, give me a glass of your finest Manischewitz!' The bartender gives him a glass and he drinks it all in one gulp! "Oh Vey!" he says. Then, the I-Talian goes up and orders a glass of red vino. The bartender gives him a glass and he too drinks it all in one gulp. "Mama Mia!" he says. Then the Pollack goes up and asks for a glass of detergent. The bartender gives him a glass and he, too, drinks it in one gulp. "Oh shit!," says the Pollack," I forgot the fabric softener!" Ha ha ha ha! Show me someone who can't relate to THAT!"

Sit back and prepare to laugh more furiously than an M-161A Assault rifle set on full auto.

Love, Major Bud Rock U.S.M.C.

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Ooze #9 ----- International Issue

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Ooze Magazine
The Journal of Substance, Wit,and Dangerous Masturbatory Habits