In the long-standing tradition of tabloid excellence, we gathered together the country's top psychics: Ann Landers, Mr. Wizard, and Billy Barty to make some predictions for the new year. Live by their word.
It is assured that someone will win the NBA Championships this year. It will most likely be a basketball team

A sequel released this year will gross millions.

It will snow several inches in parts of the Northeast forcing some schools to close for the day.

A prominent politician will make a fool of themselves in public.

There will be a natural disaster.

A war will break out and many people will die.

The prices of stocks will fluctuate.

Gullible suckers will continue to shell out money for predictions by sham psychics.

There will be reruns on TV this summer.

Ooze will penetrate the minds of millions of weak-willed human-sheep, controlling their minds creating a zombie-like force under the command of the editors hell-bent on world domination.

Twinkies will continue to have sugar in them.

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