EXCERPTS FROM THE JAMES BROWN DIARIES
Even with a whole new round of legal troubles for the beleaguered rock star, Simon and Schuster announced plans last week to publish Hyeeoww!!: The Official Biography of James Brown. The book's author, Don Corneilus, spent many long hours interviewing friends, family, and even J.B. himself in order to get a true understanding of what it means to go through life with burden of the funk.
In addition, Corneilus was granted permission to use a journal that Brown kept during the late 1980s, around the time of the Gravity album, and before his initial imprisonment. Since I spent this winter interning at Simon & Schuster, I was able to sneak a look at the diaries. They turned out to be the most shocking, controversial and explosive memoirs of recent memory; even more sizzling than the Buddy Hackett shocker, Just Call Me Coitus.
Luckily, I was able to photocopy a few pages from Brown's diary before I left Simon & Schuster in January. The excerpts contained below should provide an insightful look into the many sides of the homosapien commonly known as The Hardest Working Man in Show Business.
Jump back. YOW! Gotta kiss myself. Heh heh ha ha: Make it funky. People, it's bad. I need love, love, love. Gimmie gimmie good lovin'. Mmm, lovin'. Good God. Yeeow.
It was a lovely Thursday morning when I awoke. The beams of sunshine quietly snuck through the blinds and nestled on my pillow, tickling my eyelids ever so gently. I dared not open my eyes yet; I had decided not to rise from my slumber until I could remember all of the ingredients to Mary Louise's succulent quiche recipe. Cheese, eggs, milk....
I've reached a conclusion: I am certainly the baddest man around. Other people walk around trying to say they're bad, but it's definitely me who's bad. My qualitative badness quotient is inordinately high. I refuse to accept anyone else as badder than myself.
YEEEEEEOOOOWWWW! HEH HA HOW! THIS PCP SURE IS FLY, BABY, ZIP ZOP ZOOP ABBA ZIM BA...THINK IT'S TIME TO BEAT MY WIFE WITH A LEAD PIPE, LOAD UP MY SHOTGUN, AND LEAD THE POLICE ON A HIGH SPEED CHASE! YEEEEHHHAAAAHOWWWWW!!!!!
Gotta think of a good lawyer.
Nutty German Joke
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