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Web Weirdness

Politics?

Medical

Celebrities

Science Fiction

E-Rags

Artsy Fartsy

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Sites reviewed by Matt, Ed & MJ

Sites are submitted by viewers like you.

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Remember, if you link to Ooze (and tell us) we‚ll link to you in our next issue NO MATTER HOW CRAPPY YOUR SITE IS! We are desperate for any tiny bit of publicity we can get.

Some of these reviews appeared previously in INTERNET UNDERGROUND, but those bastards never paid me for my hard work. SCREW YOU ZIFF DAVIS!

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SHIT ON THE WEB

ATTENTION WEBMASTERS!
Put this Official button on your site to link it to Ooze.

Check out the old Links in Ooze #9

WEB WEIRDNESS

STICK FIGURE DEATH THEATER
Three animated gifs meet an crude and untimely death. Better than Cats.

Con Artist
A good page about conmen, and the confidence games they play. Resources include guides to ripping stuff off, protecting yourself from getting ripped off, and various stories about people ripping other people off. Rip roarin' good time.

Mad Cow Roulette
Last issue, we pushed a shareware program called Mad Cow Roulette. Unfortunately for you Microcrap people, it was Mac only. Now it can be played by anyone with a Java enabled browser. Blow the head off a cow for England!

Ultimate Radio Prep Site
Have a radio show but find yourself tongue-tied? Well, for all the dj's out there who aren't quite Howard Stern, this industry site provides "prep material" for radio performers. Only worth a mention because they actually include OOZE as potential joke-fodder! So if you hear some morning guy in Nebraska doing our jokes, now you know why. Our advice: Call up the friggin' DJ and make him pay us big money for our talents!

Propaganda
Whenever you hit the CLICK ME button on this site, you are rewarded with a tiny pearl of wisdom on the bottom of your browser. Then send in your own little wisdoms like, "Be Aware, Ski with Care" and "Smoke my Anus". Of course, you need a javascript browser to make it work. Damn programmers!

Weird News
A collection of "weird" news, and worth visiting only because webmaster Roland Sweet spells it "wierd." Whether or not the collected items are true, they certainly are funny: a company making human skin from the discarded foreskins of babies, and a woman in Modesto, CA, forcibly breast-feeding strange children on the street, a small electronic humor publication sells for millions.

ROB'S PAINTBALL PAGE
You might think this is a cool site where people lacquered their testicles, but instead it's about some game where people run around and shoot each other with paint pellets. How silly!

robs paintball

POLITICS?

The Pink Swastika: An On-Line Book About Homosexuality In the Nazi Party
What might have been (and may still be) a wacky joke turns out to be a well-written, well-researched tome with chapters like "The Homosexual Roots Of Fascism" and "Was Hitler A Homosexual?" (As it turns out, Hitler probably wasn't a homosexual, but he was a cophrophile, and, briefly, a male prostitute). If Streisand and show tunes have lost their luster for you, you may want to check out this informative site.

The Family Research Council
This is a truly frightening site for "The Family Research Council", a watchdog group which purports to defend "family, faith, and freedom." Design is super-clean, streamlined, and dull like a suburbanite. The text includes pearls of wisdom like "homosexual activity is immoral, unhealthy, and destructive to individuals, families, and societies." Ooze recommends taking their survey. Tell 'em you're a porno-loving, bisexual, pot-smoking hippie chick ready to bring the world to its knees!

Mysteries of the Templars
Various quotes detailing idol worship, rituals, the Inquisition, the Freemasons, and other religious weirdness. Links all over the place, and plenty of weird text to make you want to eat your own eyeballs.

USNS71.HTM
Absolutely crazy. This entirely text-based site contains one long, almost SubGenius-like rant about survival and the coming apocalypse. It includes chestnuts like "anyone who looks more than 3 feet above the ground will be executed." This one's either put out by a genius, or a madman (or both).

MEDICAL

Rectal Foreign Bodies
It's amazing what people can fit into their own butts -but unlike gravity- what goes up doesn't necessarily come down. This site is an incredibly comprehensive guide to the medical literature which sheds light on this dark practice featuring doctor's reports and some x-rays of the more interesting cases. Some forms of entertainment are best left to the professionals like Laurie Anderson.

Post-Polio Syndrome
FDR nut or just plain afflicted? Wheel on over to this site for an overview of "Post-Polio Syndrome" which apparently can include other cool diseases like scoliosis! Fun, fun, fun, til Daddy takes our spinal cord away.

Yes Yes Y'All, MCB'S muffuckin hood
This page comes up with giant letters spelling out, "AHIGHT, SUMPIN FOR DA HOODRATS." Besides its Netscape header reading, "Yes Yes Y'All, MCB'S muffuckin hood," there doesn't appear to be anything else on this site. A sign of mental illness? Brilliant!

CELEBRITIES

David Hasselhoff Is The Anti-Christ...And I Have Proof!
Perhaps the only website in the world boasting the claim, "David Hasselhoff Is The Anti-Christ...And I Have Proof!" This funny, thorough site includes demonic pictures of the "Baywatch" star, plus a matchup of scriptural quotes with events in his career (record albums, the pilot for "Knight Rider"). Check out arrogant quotes from the frog-voiced, plastic-faced superstar himself.

In-A-Gadda-Da-Oswald
An expert modification of a reasonably well-known historical photograph. I never knew that a patsy could rock so hard!

Mr. T Ate My Balls
Mr. T has got a Bad Attitude and wants to eat your balls. The site is a series of images culled from old comics and stills which are altered to make the Mohawked One espouse his alleged nut-eating philosophy. The site has spawned enough copy-cat sites featuring other celebrities that Yahoo! has an entire Ate My Balls category. I pity the fool who won't give this site a chance.

Abraham Lincoln Online
If you said you could find Abraham Lincoln on the "web" four score and seven years ago, you'd be put in a special "home". Today, however, our revered lanky President can be found online with his speeches, portraits, a Lincoln trivia quiz, what he was doing that week in history, and a burgeoning bag of fan mail- although he doesn't often answer it personally. Link up to Lincoln- he's not on the five for nothing.

The Funky World of Dolemite
Rudy Ray Moore created the rappin' and tappin' Dolemite who starred in a series of kung-fu Blaxploitation movies in the seventies. This site celebrates Moore's long career and Blaxploitation films in general. Here you can play Dolemite Jeopardy, check out the Dolemite pimp dictionary, read Rudy's rhymes, and support Dolemite for President. Get your rat-soup eatin' honky mother fuckin' ass on over.

SCIENCE FICTION

The Particles of Star Trek
Does your head spin when anyone on Star Trek babbles on about bobyon particles or phase-induced anti-matter? Paramount actually pays "science advisors" to keep track of all this stuff, but now you can too. The Particles of Star Trek is simply a big list of every imaginary, real, and quasi-real particle ever mentioned in any of the show's incarnations. If there's a particle you know of but isn't listed, you can add it with a handy form at the bottom. Now I have to put some saltyon cubes on my anti-fries.

Jeff's Guide to the Star Wars Drinking Game
Alcoholic science fiction fans rejoice! Now you can indulge in your two favorite pastimes simultaneously. This site clearly sets out the rules for an extraordinary drinking game. Pop in one of the Star Wars movies and when any of the listed events happens -Luke whines, a Rebel Pilot says, "I've been hit!", etc.- everyone drinks. But please don't drink and use the Force.

Japanese Movie Ticket Stubs
Japanese movie theaters sell special tickets one month or more in advance of their release date. These tickets are not only discounted around twenty percent, but are tiny publicity posters. Cruise through a bizarre collection that consists not only pictures of the stubs themselves, but of the movie's credits and links to related sites. Call me a cultural bigot, but it's pretty odd to see Woody Allen poised over Japanese script like a Toho megamonster.

Medieval Times
According to this electronic brochure, everything you experience at the Medieval Times Dinner and Tournament is based upon life as it really was in a Spanish castle. That is if castles had indoor plumbing and disco balls. The actual restaurant is much more exciting than this dull website, but who can pass up on pictures of people watching a sword duel while eating chicken?

The Mess
A serial science fiction story that makes a mess of itself. A Sci-Fi tie in.

E-RAGS

Citizen Poke
Fun, breezy zine which takes on "geek-retro" pop culture (accompanied by an autographed picture of Florence Henderson), breakfast cereal, Rancho Santa Fe, and more.

Planet Peekluts
Two funsters from the Netherlands generate "Planet Peekluts", their jaunty look at sex, humor, music and movies. (For music, they list "rock, hardcore, ska, and emo", which I can only guess means "Emo Philips"). The sex section mostly consists of pictures of Drew Barrymore in various states of undress, which proves that our European cousins have a little red-blooded American maleness inside their pale-skinned veins.

The Dead Files
A bunch of text-only stories detailing the life of a frustrated BBS Sys-Op. Either it's pretty funny, or I'm such a lame geek I can't tell the difference.

Rocket
Ever wonder if there's more to Australia than Paul Hogan and shrimp on the barbie? This Aussie site with a truly professional look and a cheeky attitude proves that there is, with articles on local politics, the coffeehouse culture, and more. So if you're curious about mocha lattes in Sydney, this is the site for you.

SHOCKMEDIA
A monthly e-mag with an angry satirical slant. Shocking? Maybe if there were more titty, but entertaining nevertheless.

shock media

FITSCHASCED
If you think you hate people you should get a load of this guy and
his e-zine of misanthropy.

NSF's NET
This guy thinks ooze will get him a date so he linked our page. We don't think we'll get any dates from linking his page.

Eunuch, The Zine With No Balls
The best thing about this site may be its title: "Eunuch, The Zine With No Balls." Still, you can check out their musings on music, sex, culture, and more. Seems to have kind of a hardcore slant to it, with writings on the Misfits, the Descendants, and a reprinted interview with sleazmeister Russ Meyer. This zine is most likely put out by alienated Orange County high school students... from the Netherlands.

Sticky Monkey
A "humor" zine that has a distinctly crusty, right-wing point of view. Opinion pieces on OJ, the legalization of drugs, etc, etc. Damn those Monkeys, I want my Medicare!

sticky monkey

ARTSY FARTSY

Lake Havasu Drive-in
A shockwave-o-rama. Little guys pop up and yell at you. Things fly around. Cherry blossoms fall from the sky. Be prepared for some massive downloads, but the results are pretty surreal.

Daryl Cagle's Art Page
Daryl produces a daily comic for all to enjoy. It's like the New Yorker without the really long articles.

Picture Show
Cartoonist/comic artist's site includes samples of his work, pleas for more work, and photos of his talented pals. Nifty graphics with a personal touch.

Artic Chaos Gothic Homepage
A gothic festival of imagery and multi-media-mania.

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