I'm Walter Hudson for Aaron Burr Brewery. Right now, my 11 year-old son and I are enjoying a bottle of my new Honey Mushroom Lager.
First brewed in the 17th century by Franciscan monks on a remote island in the Adriatic, this Lager was a popular drink among people too poor to notice it tasted awful. To make the Lager, these monks would seduce shipwrecked sailors who found their way onto their rocky shores and drag them down to the monastery cellars. There, they would hang these hapless seamen by their ankles for a little over six months. All the while, the crafty monks would flagellate their victims slowly and painfully, collecting their copious drippings in a seaweed basket. After removing the big pieces of flesh that are often difficult to digest, they'd churn this fluid into the hearty brew we still drink today.
People ask me why we call this cool, rich tasting drink "Honey Mushroom Lager" when there are no mushrooms or honey in it. I say it's because no one would want to buy Bloody Dead Sailor Beer. Right, Timmy?
Now finish that cool, refreshing Aaron Burr's Honey Mushroom Lager and get your little butt down to the cellar!
The Journal of Substance, Wit,and Dangerous Masturbatory Habits