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Journal of Substance, Wit, and Dangerous Masturbatory Habits

What is Ooze?
Simply answered, Ooze is the single most popular form of entertainment in the world today. Generating funds incalcuable on most spreadsheet programs, Ooze has propped up the governments of Liberia, Croatia, and Malta with its generous humanitarian offerings. Millions have sampled its rich healing waters and more are "turning on to Ooze" every day!

Ooze is thought to be the culimnation of all Human history boiled down into a spiffy pithy info-nugget. It's a quarterly funny ha ha e-zine chock full-o humorous text, and color graphics which might actually change the way you look upon the natural world. : "I can't understand what you're trying to do." : "It sure is funny, but don't expect any money out of ME!"

7166, : "The writing was ok. I guess."

These people had read the WORD and now their lives are forever CHANGED! So can yours

Ooze has been written about in the Washington Post, Hotwired, net magazine, Internet Underground, Yahoo! Internet Life, Exclaim Magazine, Raging Smoulder, and tons of other places. Ooze was recently featured in the New Museum of Contemporay Art. Ooze's articles have been reprinted in Ruffin Prevost's Internet Insider (McGraw Hill 1995), Chunklet Magazine, and a bunch of tiny publications around the world. Make sure you contact the editor here before you do that though.

Ads are available. They're real cheap. Reach 50,000-30,000,000 computer nerds/issue.

Hire the Editors of Ooze

Matt Patterson
is available for your writing and design needs. He has written for net magazine and Internet Underground (internet), SHADIS (gaming), Ooze (obviously) and some smaller zines. He does graphic arts for money. He writes screenplays that actually get read (but not bought), and live comedy. E-mail him at with a resume request or generous offers.

Eddie Schmidt
writes screenplays, comedy stuff, magazine articles and movie reviews for metrolink, and traffic tickets. Contact him at He is very lonely and wants to hear from you.

M.J. Loheed
also writes for metrolink, but is world famous for his beef franks. He also directs weird music videos. Contact him at

Read Zak "The Movie Guru"'s Reviews.
His Showgirls review is the most linked page on this site. Zak writes stuff for real magazines. Contact him at

...and now the longest running example of pure begging on this site

Ooze is Stolen!
Right from its ancestral home! Read about it here. Stop Banditry NOW!

Link 4 Link
Remember Kids: Link Ooze to your own home page. Other kids will think you're cool, and I guarantee YOU WILL GET UNLIMITED SEX WITH THE ANIMAL OF YOUR CHOICE OVERNIGHT!

Ooze is a quarterly digital humor publication which can cause boils on pregnant women. Please be advised. Copyright © 1996 Matt Patterson

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