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THE FORCE IS A TOOL OF SATAN

By Mortimer and Luke Fontaine

It started with a simple message, 'The Force is a Tool of Satan', and ended with a flood of angry e-mail from irate satanic Star Wars fans across the known universe. The evening of February 21, 1997 saw the opening of the second chapter in the foul travesty known as the Star Wars trilogy. Twenty years after the fact, Christians were returning to the fictional power of the 'Force' and turning their backs on the true spirit of Jesus. Brother Luke and I determined that we couldn't let another of these foul movies open without some sort of protest to bring these issues to light. For once we considered ourselves lucky to live in the Sodom of the America's Evil-tainment Industry, Los Angeles. Soon, we were off to the infamous Mann's Chinese Theatre to make our presence felt. Praise the Lord!

People do not ignore two good Christians holding signs reading, "Star Wars or Your SOUL" and "Jesus is the Force" in front of the nation's premier movie palace. From the moment we whipped out our signs, we were besieged by heathen and Christian alike quizzing us about the dangers of the Force. To that end, we handed them thoughtfully prepared fliers adorned with the main characters in their true demonic guises.

To get the full impact of our message, please visit our FORCE IS A TOOL OF SATAN HOMEPAGE. There you will see our unexpurged comments, and our attempts to answer some of the many many letters we‚ve recieved. For those of you to lazy to visit our website, here is an excerpt:

JESUS IS THE FORCE

These have one mind and shall give their power and strength unto the beast! -Revelations 17:13

Many people think that STAR WARS is a good movie. It may be entertaining but in reality it is EVIL. Why, you ask, is a movie loved by millions a tool of SATAN? The answer is THE FORCE.

Throughout all three movies people always say May The Force Be With You. But what is the Force? The "angelic" Obi-Wann Karboi says, "It's the thing inside all living creatures." But isn't that what GOD is?

The Force makes people behave like Demons. Luke is "taught" by the grimy, wizened, midget stand-in for God, YODA to make things fly in the air with TELEKENISIS. That's what Demons do!

Darth Vader is supposed to be evil and Obi Wann good. This isn't true. They are BOTH evil because Obi Wann wants Luke (a blasphemous thing to name a demon-creature) to use this extra-sensory feeling to fight for good. The Jewish George Lucas is telling us Christians that God isn't good enough and wants us to believe in a higher secular human force. Tell that to Jesus, George!

R2-D2 is the mute false god Baal who children are told is "cool". Is it so cool when God strikes you down where you stand? I don't think so!

And when he had opened the seventh seal, there will be silence in heaven about the space of half an hour.  -Revelations 8:1

That seventh seal is the seventh SEQUEL to Star Wars! That sequel will enrage the Lord, and He shall SMITE those who worship the Force. No Ewoks will deliver you then- only JESUS.

Go to the Force=Satan Homepage!

The FORCE=SATAN Homepage
R2-DEMON2
LORD? VADER
ANTI-Ewoks

Although our position is made positively clear by our flawless flier, people still had many questions for us. We answered them as best we could, and God willing these people have stopped worshipping the FORCE. Here are some sample questions actually asked to us at the event. These also appear in our „Mortimer and Luke Answer Some Questionsš page:

Q: Are you serious?
A: A lot of people see this movie and think the force is real. We're here to save them. Would we joke about eternal salvation? We had a friend who died in car accident because he wasn't wearing his seat belt. He believed that this supposed "Force" would protect him. We don't want anyone else to die under the influence of the FORCE.

Q: It says in your press release that the Force is Tool of Satan. But it also says Jesus is The Force. Doesn't that mean that Jesus is a tool of Satan?
A: No. Jesus is the Lord. It might seem like a contradiction to you. There are a lot of things that seem like contradictions in religion but this isn't one of them.

Q: Isn't Jesus just like the Force? See, the Force is in everything and so is Jesus!
A: No they aren't. Star Wars is just a movie. The Force is a fantasy. Jesus is reality.

Q: I'm a Christian and you make Christians look stupid. You're ruining it for the rest of us. Do you think Jesus would protest a movie?
A: Yes, if Jesus thought a movie was evil. This movie is.

Q: I'm a professional graphic designer and do you think more people would be interested in your web page The FORCE is a TOOL of Satan if you did a little more than draw on horns on your photos? It looks kind of stupid and amateurish.
A: Normally the horns and tails don't show up in photos so we had to "draw" them to reveal their true colors. Lucasfilm has used million dollar special effects to remove these horns and tails!

Q: Your flier is anti-Semitic. You call George Lucas a Jew. That's racist! Wasn't Jesus a Jew?
A: Yes. But he was also the son of God!
Q: So why is George Lucas wrong?
A: Because Jesus is right.

Q: How on Earth, Heaven, or Hell do you get a comparison with R2-D2 to Baal?
A: R2-Demon2 is shown as the "savior" of the rebels on a desert world. That world is very much like the land of the Caananites and other worshippers of Baal in ancient times. The graven image of Baal is analogous to the cast image of the "Princess". It is right under your nose!

Q: What ministry do you guys belong to?
A: We have an electronic ministry. If you don't have a computer, then we can't help you. Our URL is http://www.toolofsatan.org

Q: Your stupid prank is a big waste of paper. Thanks for the ruining the rainforest. I like to breathe assholes!
A: We have no reply to this. Were we guilty of wasting paper? May God forgive us.

Pictures of us at mann's chinese
More Pictures

Standing outside Mann‚s Chinese Theatre in Los Angeles

still another Picture

Download the whole "George Lucas is a Jew" song (25k)

George Lucas

The next day, we started receiving e-mail from around the country inquiring about our ministry. Apparently people were faxing our fliers out to all their friends. We knew it was time to act, and to that end we set ourselves up the previously mentioned page with our salient points, on the free geocities web server.

Thanks Geocities, for helping spread the Lord's good word! Anyhow, the page looked great, and we decided to send a press release to about 20 different Star Wars site webmasters.

Wouldn't you know it? Those initial 20 messages bought us hundreds of e-mails! People were hearing our message of Love! But much to our surprise, instead of peaceably hearing our ideas, we were deluged with hate mail. Apparently, we hit a sore nerve. Here are a few choice bits edited for length. For the complete text of these and many other letters, visit the Star Mail Page. It‚s 60k of pure confusion.

The Force Made Me Do It!

Dear MORON:

It's jerks like you that give all Christians a bad name. By trying to push your strange ideas on others, you only serve to enrage and disgust them. I will be forwarding your ridiculous letter to a Star Wars mailing list I am a proud member of, and you can expect to receive MANY irate letters from other Star Wars fans!

BTW-the Star Wars pictures on your horrible homepage are COPYRIGHTED. If you don't understand what this means, and if Jesus is not available to explain it to you (he's busy, I know...), let me explain. Lucasfilm LTD. has ownership rights that prohibit you from DEFILING them, or in some cases, even SHOWING them at all on your page! Many fans show pictures, but because these are part of TRIBUTES, Lucasfilm takes no action. Because your page is such an INSULT, Lucasfilm could in fact take action against you! Be warned! Well, I just thought I'd let you know about the sin you are committing, and that you just might burn in hell for this. I've also informed Geocities of this problem. Have a nice day!
ah272@lafn.org (Ben Arden)

I am a Christian and can't see the problem with Star Wars. Now, I don't have a problem with telling people about Jesus, but what you are doing is driving people away. You sound like a fanatic.

The use of the force for telekinetics is used by both sides of the Force. The Dark side uses it to attack and harm. The Light side uses it for knowledge and healing. The Bible says that "All things are possible through Christ who strengthens me." It doesn't say everything but telekinetics. Jesus walked on water and Moses split the Red Sea, which is much more dramatic then merely lifting objects with the Force.

Saying the name Luke is blasphemous is positively ridiculous. Simply because a disciple of Jesus was named Luke, doesn't make it a holy name. Lucas didn't name his characters Jesus and Lucifer either.

R2D2 is the silent god BAAL? You are simply looking for a story in the Bible that shows something bad. There are no similarities whatsoever! You'd be better off picking C-3PO because at least the Ewoks worshipped him. (I didn't mean to give you any ideas!)

If you are going to link Star Wars to the end of the world with this seventh seal nonsense, you are more fanatical then I give you credit for. First, there are no plans, I repeat no plans for part 7 of the trilogy to be released. I know you watched the fun yellow words at the beginning, have made yourself a Star Wars expert. My suggestion is that you get the facts straight. The new movie is a PREquil. That means it is part 1 not 7. Blows your whole 7th seal issue right out of the water.

So have a nice day and MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!
vader16@ix.netcom.com(Jim C)

I too was at Mann's Chinese theatre on Feb. 21, and did not see you there. And, strangely enough, I was there with the college fellowship group from my church.

But instead of telling people they are going to hell, we sat in line and talked with people--even sang a couple of praise and worship songs. You do more to ridicule Christianity than bring people to Christ. Jesus talked with sinners, he listened to sinners (Zaccheus) and never ridiculed them--the only people he ever ridiculed were the San Hedrin and those desecrating the temple.

Star Wars is a fairy tale, like Snow White, or The Chronicles of Narnia. That is what George Lucas said. He has no desire to make anyone a believer in the Force--he himself does not believe it (read the biography "Skywalking"--he even ridiculed Francis Ford Coppola for wanting to make a religion of it).

Find something better to do with your time, to truly further the kingdom of God.
thrawn@ix.netcom.com (Jonathan A. Watson) http://www.arcpres.org

You're pathetic. And racist. George Lucas isn't Jewish and even if he was, Jews still believe in God, you moron. You're probably some Nazi militia member who lives in one of the Confederate states and has 40 kids.
rizzo@nbnet.nb.ca

READ all the Angry Letters Sent to Us!

Star Wars Hate mail

STAR WARS FANS ARE SCARIER THAN JESUS FREAKS
(observations by MJ)

As we put on our fanatical Christian costumes before heading to the theatre, we wondered aloud if we could really pull this off. When you do a prank, there's always a question of how far you can push it without being obvious and our act seemed so over-the-top that we were sure people would quickly realize it was a farce.

Getting out of the car by the curb, a trendy woman gave our conservo-geek garb such a stinging look of disgust, that it instantly cemented our believability factor. Matt and I WERE Mortimer and Luke Fontaine. We approached the world famous Mann's Chinese Theater, staked out our spot, held our signs up, and started handing out fliers.

Then, the madness began. Disdain. Anger. A few people even threatened us. At one point, we were sure this one guy, who was busy telling us how Jesus was a black man and we knew nothing, was going to launch a few well placed blows to our heads when we weren't looking.

Suddenly, what seemed like a harmless bit of fun actually revealed an ugly side to a movie we all know and love. We were right. People do take Star Wars too seriously. Which sadly means that our characters Luke and Mortimer were right. Not only was the public upset but they felt threatened and hurt and retaliated. The letters you read above are only slightly more vitriolic than the response we got in person at Mann's. The average Star Wars fanatic was genuinely threatened by two nuts on the sidewalk with signs...

... and hate mail is still pouring in which leads me to conclude that you'd better be careful what you believe in. If your ideas aren't approved by a large base of supporters and a multimillion dollar merchandising effort, keep it to yourself. Either that or be ridiculed, harassed, and probably beaten and put up on a cross somewhere.

I'm glad I live in a world where science fiction and fantasy can inspire such contempt and hatred.

M.J. still sleeps with his 8" Princess Leia doll

"A Way to The Force"
Yoda himself presents a step-by-step guide on attuning yourself to the Force. Apparently you have to eat a lot of bean sprouts and yogurt.
 

We expected some Satanic Star Wars fanatics to be upset, but good Christians? The situation was much worse than we had previously believed. There is a place for us in this world, and our help is needed. The Force is something you can't take lightly. Young people, even good Christians, don't normally see that Luke Skywalker is a force of evil. We may not have stopped anyone from seeing the film, but at least we made them think! Praise Jesus!

Mortimer and Luke Fontaine both work in the fashion industry and hold degrees from Oral Roberts University.

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