Open your feeble eyes and feast with us at the great Hollywood orgy, rife with tortured stories, littered with lost souls, and smellier than Lynchburg, VA. Be witness to the incredible spectacle that is Los Angeles' inner soul, bought and sold at cafe tables like a whore's money dance. Feel the shaky rattle of earthquake weakened tarmac as the titans of glitz roll over any pathetic attempt to create quality entertainment.    Read the first hand accounts of life in the movies by the people who really make movies, who aren't directors, actors, or producers. Do you have any idea how great our lives are? Do you know what kind of opportunities people who work in the movies have? Last night I smelled Elizabeth Hurley's pasties and modesty patch from her partial nudity scenes in Austin Powers because I was at New Line's prop warehouse. Don't you wish you were me? Well you don't have to be me because I can capsulize the experience for you:    It was heaven.    You can look forward to this sort of high brow journalism from Oozeywood because we care, because we're beautiful, and because we're the future of your entertainment dollar. Herr Director Loheed OOZEYWOOD is the name of the new "monthly" Ooze Entertainment spinoff. Since most of the staff lives in the World Media Capital, we decided who better to reveal the truly seamy underside of Hollywood, but us? What is Oozeywood? Since we don't really know yet, let me tell you what Oozeywood won't be: A bunch of lame reviews. OK, maybe we'll have some reviews, but they'll at least be entertaining themselves. Fawning celebrity profiles: This includes alt.directors and the 'underground'. We will disrespect and hate all equally. Boring.If we don't have anything interesting to say, we won't say it. Oozeywood will be updated much more frequently than Ooze. That means it'll be shorter. Timely material, at least more timely than once every four months, will appear in these pages. Celebrity Sightings Ed recalls every celebrity he saw in the last three years William Shatner: World's Greatest Actor Nate Nichols analyzes the Shatner non-Trek classic, "White Commanche" Ooze Strikes Back Matt and MJ protest STAR WARS in the guise of fundamentalist Christians My Powers of Spontaneous Combustion The Stupidest Shareware