This survey is tabulated in Ooze #12. Check out the results!



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The Survey

Normally we don't believe in demographic surveys, but now and again, Ooze likes to get a bead on its readers. Our last survey (in Ooze #2 ) revealed our prime audience to be Mexican housewives between the ages of 40-55 with some sort of prosthetic limb. That seemed fair enough, but there were a few more questions we wanted to ask.

For our upcoming ROCK issue, tell us, in your opinion, what rock star is/was the smelliest?

You are most offended by the phrase:

A) Retarded Nigger
B) Piss-Sucking Cuntface
C) Fucking Fat Faggot
D) Gerald Ford

How will you help Ooze and its staffers achieve global domination?
Please e-mail schematics separately.

If you could kill Jerry Seinfeld, you would:

A) Run him over with one of his 9 Porches
B) Yell, "What's the deal with lead pipes?" as you bash his skull in with one
C) Plant a literal Booby Trap in one of girlfriend Shoshanna Lonstein's breasts
D) Other

When I say, "High School," what hot meal do you think of?

A) Roast Pig on a Bun
B) Swedish Pizza
C) Ms. Richardson
D) Other

Have you had surgery?


If Yes, please describe in excruciating detail.

The weirdest place I've ever seen body hair on someone is:

A) On top of their head
B) Behind their tibia
C) Inside a vaginal cavity
D) Other

Are you rich?


Why havenāt you given Ooze all your money?

Your Space

This is your space. Talk about how much you love Ooze, yourself, or the household appliance you'd most like to have relations with.

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